Motherhood: the rocky road to self discovery!

Once again it's been a while since I posted, but this household has been in chaos for some time. I've come to call our little family the lame, sick and just plain old tired. I don't mean this to be a negative article at all, but sometimes it helps just getting things off your chest and hearing other peoples views on life!
My hubby had an ankle op a couple of weeks ago, so things are a bit chaotic in terms of parenting and being nurse. Coupled with that my little boy started at a new school and it's been one hell of a rough ride.
To give context to my little boy, he is very bright, in terms of intelligence and language...apparently well beyond his years. This is apparently a problem at school as he gets bored and doesn't concentrate. More on that soon.
Since he started at the school I have seen a different child - I don't have a happy, carefree boy anymore, I have a child who is riddled with anxiety (he even has a stomach ulcer!), has lost his self-confidence and is generally very unhappy.
Apparently he is too serious and this is also a problem. Somewhere at some point personality needs to be taken into account.
But, anyway...after many telephone conversations and dealing every day with the comment of 'everyone at school hates me' has seriously taken it's toll on me and I suspect my little boy as well.
So off we are carting him to paediatricians - he is severely allergic to everything and now to psychologists as well to see where the anxieties lie. It is a very emotional journey to go on I have to say.
So all his medication has been changed to try and manage the allergies. Who knows what this will bring.
Now the psychologist, who I think is excellent by the way, has said that she really thinks he is ADHD. She has said that she needs more time with him, but it is looking this way. There are signs of ADHD no doubt, but there are also signs of a highly intelligent boy who has a very strong will and a very strong personality. Sometimes I wonder about the labelling of children, and the ability of teachers to cope with children who are more demanding and don't conform. Don't get me wrong here, I actually adore my little boys teacher, and chose the school specifically for the reason that they have small classes and I know the jobs they do are really, really difficult. In our class I know of 6 children (could be more) that have been referred to specialists.
During this process a mom goes through absolute hell! What have I done wrong??? I look at my little boy who is quite clearly distressed, and I'm trying my best but I can't take the pain away, I can't take his angst away, I can just be there for him and love him and support him. If it lands up that my little boy is ADHD, fine, but I don't want a zombie either, I don't want a child who is different and conforms to everything, I don't want a soldier. I want an individual and that's what he is! I would love to hear from other moms about their experiences of schools and referrals, ADHD and other issues. Please let me know your thoughts.